Sustainability Assessment of the FUSH

As resident expert on sustainability, I’ve been devoting my free time to evaluating the sustainability of the nicest house on the East Alder block- 325. You might ask, does this big, beautiful, and historic house really merit more than a glance to realize the sustainability assessment of FOREVER? But then you would be ignoring the absolute importance of constant reevaluation of sustainability in protecting the environment. As the WTO stated in the 1992 Conference on Environment and Development, “sustainable development meets the needs of present tenants and landlords while protecting and enhancing opportunities for the future” (Dabulskis 1999).

In my assessment I used 5 variables and ranked them from on a scale from 1 (very low) to 5 (very high). The variables are:

1. 11) Lockability of windows

2. 2 2) How well the hardwood floor camoflages beer

3. 33) Number of times tenants itch their heads in 1 minute

4. 44) Number of TVs

5. 55)Availability of toilet paper

Then, I cross-referenced these numbers with 10 tenant surveys. The surveys consisted of 7 questions:

1. 11) Have you ever had a jar of $15 in change stolen from your house?

2. 22) Has your door ever been blown off and/or kicked down by robbers?

3. 33) How many mattresses do you have in your back yard?

4. 44) Look up. Is there a ceiling?

5. 55) How many broken wine bottles are currently littering your kitchen floor?

6. 66) Can you see your kitchen floor? (Oh yeah? What color is it?)

7. 77) How many people have fallen through your front porch?

Through complex analysis of past studies and hours of deliberation and observation, I have determined that 325 E Alder will last FOREVER in the absence of 2 conditions. 1) The tenants don’t party too much that the toilets stop flushing, and 2) The key to the basement never gets found.