Future Fusher Hunting

The Reign of Fush 09-10 is rapidly coming to an end. Since most of the current fushers are applying for hipsterwifehunting.com and getting the FUCK out of here come june, we're having a difficult time navigating the hundreds of calls about the availability of the fush next year. however, we can't hand over the house to just anyone. the fush has a long heritage associated with it. it's not just about who inherits the pbr mirror, panda decor and pirate paintings, its about who can continue the fush's prestigious name. In fact, the current residents of the fush had to go through a rigorous application process followed by a somewhat intensive hazing.
thus, we've developed our own application initiation process to ensure that the beloved fush ends up in the right hands. we can't reveal it here, but we will disclose our own applications to show how seriously potential renters should consider the process.

Candidate 1: Harrison Hixon



Why do you want to live at the FUSH?
A shitload of hunnies are applying to live there. It's got sick smoking dens and I heard it comes with a nerf gun!

Why are you a good candidate for the fush?
Well, the name of the house is Fucked Up Shit House. I can fix stuff. Plus I can spit mad game at the landlady to get us rent discounts. I also hand-knitted this snuggie to prove just how into the FUSH I am.

What would be the ideal FUSH party?
First, I would turn the lights down real low in my room, maybe just a single red light to set the mood. I would invite some girls over and we'd spread peach lotion on each other. We'd grind really slowly to Wallpaper and roll around on my bed. I'd probably have a party like this at least once a month. I'd probably have to start charging girls cuz it'd be such a hit.

Candidate two:
Sarah Trowbeliggg


Why do you want to live at the fush?
I'm really drawn to the vernacular architecture found at 325. The Fush hosts not only Baroque and Richardsonian era designs but also hints of Deconstructivist Modern and Art Deco. I would love to preserve this historic building for generations to come.

Why are you a good candidate for the fush?
Well, I don't mind fucking with sunglasses on. I can give mean lapdances to Explosions in the Sky. I can live off lentil soup for months. Plus I only date guys with cars.

What is your ideal party?
Getting belig, taking my crew to a fraternity basement, and making exclusive dance circles-- no frat boys allowed! Ideally, the night would end when I'm so drunk I fall on the floor and I drag someone else with me and we lock eyes and meet our fate. Preferably that someone is a fush housemate.


Candidate three:
Kendall Thomas


Why do you want to live at the fush?
I'd like to be a professional landscaper and I feel like I could learn at lot from horticulturalist Kelly Dabulskis. The grounds are almost perfect but I feel like I could add my own touches here and there. Plus the next door boys be HOT!

What makes you an good candidate for the fush?
I have some pretty nice thighs, so if any robbers come through I can distract them pretty easily. Oh, and a stellar underwear collection. I hear the neighbors are into that.

Ideal Party?
The night would begin with a little bit of blush, followed by a mellow merlot and ending with rambunctious rose. My dream is to complete the Tour de Franzia in under the time it would take to do a 40k time trial. Ideally, the FUSH would become home to the Sub-Hour Club.

Candidate four:
Julie Googz



Why do you want to live at the FUSH?
I've always dreamed of living in a cozy little room with french doors, ideally on the main floor so I always know the comings and goings of the house. The FUSH's dining room/bedroom provides me a panoramic view of from nearly all sides.

Why are you a good candidate for the FUSH?
Well, I pride myself on being somewhat of a maternal figure. I feel like most of the candidates on this campus come from broken homes and I think I could provide a level of comfort and safety for fush residents... I'd keep a candy dish for passerby, have popcorn on hand, and even lend out my jewelry and laptop to those in need!

Ideal party?
It would begin with some nootropics, maybe a little 2-oxo-pyrrolidine carboxyl to get my cognitive capacity ready for the night. Then I'd probably head over to the Beta house for quiet night of slow dancing and cards. I'd probably end in my glass room with a fourloco nightcap-- don't want to go too crazy before my biomolecular exam!

Candidate five:
C-Dance Ellingfun



Why do you want to live at the fush?
I'ma be straight with you, that house knows how to party, and so do I.

What makes you a good candidate for the fush?
You like to smoke cigs? I like to smoke cigs. You like to dance? I like to dance. And I like an open door policy. Plus, I've got a lot of hair accessories I can share.

Ideal party?
Probably begin with some pre-funking at the fush, maybe with a bottle of wine or some jello shots. Roll over to some indie party, then head over to the ski-lodge for some beruit and video games and a little Californication, if you know what I mean.

Candidate 6:
Mickey Mickelback



Why do you want to live at the fush?
The yard is kILLA! The bushs be kILLA! the apex's fancy feast selection is kILLA! the basement is KI-- okay. As my mirror clearly states, this is the place! Plus we can cut stuff on the mirror, if that's what you're into.


What makes you an ideal candidate?
I'm pretty tough, so I can keep robbers and scary dogs at bay. My tail can help clean up beer spills. I'm pretty good at camouflaging myself and keeping a secret.

Ideal party?
The party would be a fundraiser for my tail amputation. Some hunnies would feed me pbr and give me lapdances. The night probably would never end-- I would just purr from one bed to another.